Finding Quality Time for the Cat (in the Age of Children)

"If I stay in this diaper box, he's bound to find me at some point."

"If I stay in this diaper box, he's bound to find me at some point."

Every day I come home exhausted from work, then switch into toddler patrol mode for a very active toddler. Once she toddles off to bed, I prep food for the next day, wash an absurdly large amount of toddler dishes, then plop on the couch ready to pass out. I'm so spent that engaging in quality time with the cat often becomes an afterthought.

But when the cat walks up and stares at me, I feel guilty. I know she wants to play but I just don't always have it in me. I'll encourage her to jump up on the couch next to me so I can pet her without having to move too much. Sometimes it works. Sometimes she scolds me with her eyes for being so lazy.

I try my best to play with her when I can. Often it happens late at night after I've brushed my teeth, when I have a final smidge of energy. Just enough to get on the floor and wave a plastic rod attached to a feathery string, which makes the cat light up with playful glee. It shouldn't be so hard finding pockets of quality time for the cat. I just have to make sure to look for them.

7 Ways Raising a Child is Easier Than Raising a Cat

It was very difficult to get them both to sit still on the scale.

It was very difficult to get them both to sit still on the scale.

  1. A child will occasionally do what she's told.
  2. It's unlikely a child will give you a dead rodent as a gift.
  3. A child can be tricked into thinking a trip to the doctor's office is a fun adventure. A cat will never be fooled about visiting the vet.
  4. There's substantially less shedding with a child.
  5. A child will not come home with fleas or ticks. Just the occasional lice infestation.
  6. When you're flying somewhere, you don't have to stuff your child into a small bag.
  7. The laughter of a child can bring a smile to your face. The laughter of a cat can leave you confused and terrified.

7 Ways Raising a Cat is Easier Than Raising a Child

Scale image is to scale.

Scale image is to scale.

  1. A cat can bathe herself.
  2. The loudest meow is nothing compared to the standard volume of a child.
  3. A child will never use the litter box properly, no matter how many times you put her in it.
  4. Even the smartest cat cannot figure out how to use a doorknob.
  5. Diapers never come into play with a cat.
  6. When you leave a cat alone for the weekend, you don't have to worry about child protective services being called.
  7. A cat will never throw her food across the room to indicate she's done eating.

Top 5 Acts of a Confident Cat

(illustration by Zhenya Yanovich)

(illustration by Zhenya Yanovich)

  1. Dipping her paw in your water glass.
  2. Swatting your cheek when it's time to wake up.
  3. Sitting with her butt directly in your face.
  4. Scratching the couch instead of the scratching post next to it.
  5. Licking her private areas in public areas.

Confidence is the backbone of who you are. It affects how you go about your day and your life. Shelly had the confidence to say "I know he's trying to sleep, but I'm going to lay down and take a nap on his face." I respected that, even if it meant finding cat hair in my nose every morning.

-- excerpt from "How My Cat Made Me a Better Man." Out now at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
 

Don't Let This Happen to Your Cat

embarrassed cat

A public service announcement.

Have you ever been tempted to shave your cat's fur into a lion's mane? Is part of you curious if Mr. Whiskers could rock a gold hoop earring? Are you not horrified by the words "cat perm?" Whatever you're thinking that could mess with your cat's appearance -- don't do it!

Cats are dignified, classy creatures. They should not be subject to the shame and humiliation of other cats laughing at them because you think their new look is "cute." Purple-dyed fur? No. Cat booties? No. Fuzzy cat-sized alligator costume? Only on Halloween and at no other time. Don't be part of the cat embarrassment problem. Be part of the solution. And for goodness sake, put the tiny overalls away.